Well, my first official mothers day was like any other woman's... It included crying (both mine and Ellie's), my child continuously screaming in public so everyone could hear her, resulting doubt about my abilities as a mother, guilt for losing patience with my child, and then.....
Thank goodness for that and then! Basically, Ellie had a ROUGH day at church. Yep, you can always feel like a jerk about your parenting when you lose it at church... Anyway, she started cutting her left front top tooth on Saturday. Yay! And now looks like as it comes through it's either bothering, or encouraging the smaller tooth to the left of it to come in. If it comes in next, she'll look awesome! Anyway, this has led to lots of interrupted sleep, poor eating occasionally, and some grumpiness. But Sunday started out fine. Then, we learned a couple weeks ago that we can go lay Ellie in a dark quiet classroom and she will nap and be much happier for the rest of church as a result of a little cat nap during the 1st hour. (Unfortunately we have 9:30 church. Any guesses at what time Ellie naps EVERY DAY?)
Well, I went and laid her down in a class room and she started to cry and yell. I gave her a minute to see if she'd calm down. No. So, I tried feeding her. No luck. Well, how about orajel? Nope. Ok, sometimes if she's really upset she won't eat even though she's hungry till she's had tylenol - she knows what the bottle looks like and knows it helps. So, tylenol and a bottle? Nope. By this time, giving her time to try to calm down each time, it had been a while. And, we'd gotten progressively louder, so I knew when I was preparing a bottle down the hall, hearing her scream, that people in the chapel with the doors to the chapel open could hear her too. Oh well. We'd also gained Daddy's support in trying to calm the beast. No luck.
I finally gave up and went and just held her and lost it in a dark classroom right by the chapel. Eventually, she started to calm down and snuggle in. That's right! I said snuggle! Like, we spend a good 15 minutes cuddling and rocking till she went to sleep in my arms. Anyone who knows Ellie knows she is one independent little gal, and she is a put me down and let me go to sleep type of kid. So I don't think she's fallen asleep being held 5 times in the last several months, and she definitely only snuggles when it means she's getting a bottle. And even then, I snuggle her while she ignores me and eats.
But, there it was, a cuddly Ellie! Obviously not feeling good, but still! Eventually she tried to stretch out in my arms and I laid her down asleep on the floor for the last short minutes of Sacrament meeting. I was totally spent during church as a result and couldn't appreciate how rare an opportunity I'd been granted.
Later that afternoon, after church, she cuddled with me for a good 15 or 20 minutes till she fell asleep in my arms again. It was so nice! By now I could appreciate that what had seemed like Ellie hell-bent on making my 1st mothers day question having more children, turned into a fabulous gift from my little girl.
It was so nice to get to cuddle after so long. It was great to feel needed. It was such a special time to know Ellie wanted me for comfort. It was a fabulous Mother's Day gift.
So, that's a long story that probably seems pointless to many of you, but one I want to remember, a tender moment between Mother and Daughter (that still sounds insane!) that I will enjoy as my 1st Mother's Day with my child. And here is a picture of my little stinker later that night.
By the way, I also got a great little book from Reva that really touched me and I appreciate so much! And Steve got me a really pretty necklace with a heart shaped pendent with Ellie's birthstone in it which I love having a reminder of her. Anyway, to all those women who mothered and guided me in some way at some point in time, I hope you all had a fabulous mother's day!